The thought of clubbing sober almost does not bear thinking about. The cramped, sweaty, dingy basement clubs with dance floors that are sticky with god-knows-what, the reek of chunder in the bathrooms, and the deep meaningful conversations of the smoking areas all seem incredibly daunting without being a couple of drinks deep. But then again, there’s arguably nothing like being on a night out with mates, dancing to all the songs that you dance around your kitchen to anyway, and then sitting in your best mates bed with a kebab. Why do so many of us reduce clubbing to an exclusively boozy affair?

Of course, there is the fact that nobody wants to subject themselves to Patterns or Chalk sober, but if drinking is the only way to avoid doing that weird shuffle that we all do when we’re too sober to dance like maniacs then of course we’re going to do it. But the one truth I’ve come to realise is that nobody actually cares; those that are too sober to dance are too self-conscious to notice anybody else shuffling, and those that are trollied are having too good a time to care. As a matter of fact, if you think about it, most people probably assume that if you’re clubbing then you’re probably incoherent anyways, therefore it could be said that there is no judgement for your drunken actions?

Obviously there is some judgement, but there is no greater judge than hangxiety! That timeless punishment that lingers all of the next day, plaguing you with the questions of which of my coworkers did I kiss? Which of my mates did I slag off? Do I need to apologise to Brighton and Hove buses for vomiting up cheesy chips? Er *cough cough* none of those last questions relate to me… Whilst clubbing sober might not be the best way in which to enjoy yourself, it enables you to dodge the grips of your hangxiety demons the next day, thus rendering this one of the best benefits from sober clubbing!

Then there is the part of me that has to play devil’s advocate and just say that alcohol is great! Whether it’s the first shot of tequila from the drag queen when you get into Revenge, or a bottle of pinot on the beach, there is of course the few hours before the inevitable chunder behind a dustbin which is just pure bliss. There is nothing wrong with drinking at a club, and I don’t want to give that impression here either, but recently I’ve begun to think about moderation.

Perhaps I don’t need that extra double if I’m already feeling slightly tipsy, or maybe I won’t buy the three shot deal. As well as this, monitor what you’re drinking, never try “wine before beer”, never mix light and dark spirits (I found this out last Friday), and think about all the money you’d save on your next night out if you save the other half of the bottle for next time.

In short, alcohol is great only if you are not feeling absolutely rotten the next day. We’re all young, and learning to handle our booze, and we’re all going to make countless mistakes, but maybe we just need to slow down a little. Try going to a club night where you wouldn’t mind being sober because you know all the words, but don’t beat yourself up over your mistakes, just learn from them and have a great night!

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