The child-free by choice movement is a liberating stance to say you opt out of the life of parenthood. Having children and being a parent has long been viewed as one of life’s greatest gifts, and that we won’t know ‘true love’ until we have children.
I’ve always found it rather condescending that my life as a young woman has no credit or responsibility until I have kids of my own. I mean that I have absolutely no doubt in my ability as a mother, and am certainly a victim of baby fever, but the ethical and empathetic consideration for bringing life into this world, for me, outweighs the cultural pressure to start a family since it’s what you’re supposed to do.
I feel a bigger need to justify why I might not want to have children than the default to have them, as ‘nature’ tells me so. Nature never wanted me to be in school for 18 years and work until retirement. Nature never intended for bills, taxes and capitalism.
So why should I be ashamed to reject nature? Then come the patriarchal criticisms from ‘Who’s going to look after you when you’re older?’ a nurse. ‘Why won’t you just adopt?’ Adoption is not a family-building tool but is designed to support children in crisis. ‘Who’s going to carry your legacy?’ My achievements.
Certainly, with the decline of traditional family values, fewer are getting married, more children are born outside of wedlock, and the declining birth rate sparks equal backlash. Now that individuals are conscious of the cost of raising a child to 18 (approximately £260,000 per child for a couple and £290,000 for a lone parent), it’s easy to understand why many want to break away from the trend of building a family. As someone who could carry a baby to term, it would be daft not to mention the physical impact: hormonal, traumatic, painful, sometimes irreversible.
The child-free by choice perspective puts great emphasis on redefining adulthood fulfilment. Children are no longer a sign of success and legacy but rather an optional burden. Fulfilment can be paying your bills on time, travelling without the worry of childcare, and coming home from a long day of work to only prioritise your own needs. Many couples who are child-free, instead of giving in to the pressure of creating their own family, will put their ‘chosen family’ first. A life of friendship and romantic relationships has no reason not to be just as rewarding and fulfilling as procreating.
I’m also deterred by the social expectation that you can’t just have one child because your child will want a sibling, even when there’s no guarantee of a bond. If you go through a pregnancy, then maternity leave can have negative effects on your career as you put it on hold, and multiple pregnancies will obviously increase these effects. Regardless, I would prefer my success not be determined by my fertility.
I enjoy my time, simply, I’m selfish. Once I have a child, my life will be solely devoted to tending for this being with full supervision. Then, for the next few decades of my life, I may not have the option to be lazy, nor have the mobility to move my life around and travel. And the great uncertainty of children halts this even further. My good friend Naomi Archer said to me, ‘Having siblings with special needs and parents with such patience and selflessness taught me that having children of my own requires so much resilience and endurance, I’m not ready yet to devote that to another being.’
At this rate, I would rather regret not having children than have them and regret it. But who knows what the future will hold for expectant mothers, maternity leave and the autonomy of making this life-changing choice. There’s always time to reflect on it: crying, wingeing and sticky fingers, is that life for you?
Another article you may enjoy: https://thebadgeronline.com/2025/12/love-thy-white-neighbour/
