My experience with ADHD at university. Leaving for university can feel like the most thrilling, fear-inducing, adventurous thing a person will do up until that point in their lives. They would be right in feeling that. If you were anything like me, you would choose your university based on how far you can get away from home. I couldn’t wait to leave, to plant my feet in a place where no one knew me, I could start all over again, do whatever I wanted, be whoever I wanted. I had no responsibilities, no one in my ear telling me to study, or to tidy my room. I no longer had to be overwhelmed by rules and restrictions. I could spend all my time collecting stories and building a life. That was the plan, and it was a good one. Maybe some people will be prepared for the ways in which responsibility shifts to solely yourself, but I was not one of those people.
The great thing about university is that you are on your own. The worst thing about university is that you are on your own.
I learnt very quickly that I didn’t know how to structure myself. I couldn’t even start a routine, let alone stick to it. Without one, I forgot to eat, shower, and I even went days without taking my pill (which ended in a few too many pregnancy scares). I couldn’t do basic things to take care of myself, realising that all those rules that overwhelmed me before were also keeping me in check.
I had a school and family structure which forced me into doing all the things I became incapable of once it was my responsibility. In my first term I ended up losing so much weight I was terrified for myself. I would stay up all night, sleep all day, skip lectures, and leave my assignments until the last minute. I would write 7,000 words in 48-hours before my deadline because ‘I worked best under pressure’. I always found those things a bit difficult but didn’t everyone? Last minute revision was a given at A-levels and not being able to leave your bed was just a teenage thing. But it seemed at university everyone else figured it out whereas I just sunk deeper and deeper into my struggles.
Taking care of myself became hard, my brain and body wouldn’t connect, and I was overwhelmed by my constant overlapping thoughts. It wouldn’t shut off and it made me so restless. It felt like I was at the top of a roller-coaster and I was waiting for the drop to come, my body buzzing with adrenaline. But that drop never came so I remained on a tipping point, a build-up of energy I had no idea what to do with until it would burst out of me. I still cringe at the vivid memory of having a meltdown in my flat corridor over a presentation I hadn’t done that was due 9am the next day. I was so frustrated with myself, that the things everyone else found easy were so difficult. I didn’t even realise how far I had slipped, how little control I had over myself. Days started blurring into one and suddenly I’ve spent the majority of my first year hauled up in my room.
I had no idea what ADHD was, apart from the classic stereotype of a hyperactive boy. I did not know any actual symptoms beyond talking a lot. It was not even on my radar, I thought I was just lazier than other people and it would be something I needed to start adapting too. I carried it on into second year, my housemates wouldn’t see me until midday and I couldn’t get myself to start over once a flimsy structure fell apart again. I felt so guilty, when I interrupted people, when my mouth would shoot out something that was entirely different to the conversation I was having. I would hyperfixate, daydream and zone out. I felt so lazy and dramatic for not being able to be like everyone else.
My friends from back home started getting diagnosed and I actually learnt about ADHD, how it can work differently for girls, and that it’s so much more layered than interrupting people and being loud. It wasn’t until I finally went to the doctors and spilled out everything to them that they told me a lot of what I was feeling aligns with the ADHD criteria.
I am now on the waiting list for an ADHD assessment and while I still don’t know if my behaviour is because of that, it makes life a little easier. I managed to get disability support from the university, while it wasn’t much – extensions were the only useful thing – it did help. At least for assessments, I was finally on some equal ground to everyone else and my grades reflected that.
I still struggled with everything outside of university assessments. Zoning out, ADHD paralysis and the general not-being-able-to-get-things-done symptoms. The recognition of ADHD in my life did help but it also made me acutely aware of all the things that made me different. It wasn’t until university I realised that other people didn’t struggle with the same things I did, I thought I was the same as everyone else. To be conscious of the fact that my brain works differently is freeing while also feeling like a life-sentence. I will never be able to change those things about me. However, it also means that instead of trying to change myself I can adapt my surroundings to fit myself better.
Being able to associate these behaviours without fault means that I can focus on managing them and making them my responsibility without the crushing feeling of ‘I need to get over it.’ Because yes, there’s a legitimate reason, I struggle with this, and there are ways I can deal with it, it might just take me a little longer than everyone else.
I’ve learnt I need structure; I need to give myself 5 seconds to get out of bed otherwise I’ll stay there the whole day and I need to eat breakfast in the morning otherwise I’ll forget to eat until dinner. I still forget to take my laundry out the washing machine for three days and I still ended up submitting a job application on the way to a gig because I left it until the last minute but understanding myself is the first step and accepting myself is the second.
University is where you learn to look out for yourself. For those with neurodiversity it can also be a place where it becomes glaringly obvious how hard it can be to take care of yourself. It has taken me my whole university career to figure out the best ways to live my life where I don’t feel like I’m being swallowed whole. It can take time to learn about yourself and even longer to figure out where to go from there. University is a good steppingstone for that, it allows you time to understand yourself. So, to the other people out there that struggle too and have a little bit of hatred towards your own brain – take time. As much as you need in order to learn the best ways to live with yourself and love yourself.
Another article you may enjoy: https://thebadgeronline.com/2025/03/a-student-discipline-case-against-my-ex/
