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Human Crufts: The Obsession With Celebrity Children

At the risk of sounding bitter with age (I am a ripe old twenty three years old) I have a request to make. Please, for the love of god, stop glamourizing celebrity children. I have come to the end of my tether with the onslaught of articles showering them with glowing reviews.

This is an epidemic occurring in almost every single reputable magazine. Just this morning I logged onto Facebook to see (whilst bleary-eyed and bedbound) multiple glossy pictures of Iris Tallulah Elizabeth Law, Jude Law’s sixteen-year-old daughter, permeating my timeline. It turns out, to the joy of the online journalistic community, that Iris has been crowned the new global ambassador for Burberry beauty.

There is definitely a slice of the blame to be given to the fashion world; celebrity kids are peppered throughout beauty campaigns, catwalks and billboards. However, it is with the magazine publications that I have a bone to pick.

Not just the tabloids either, some of the main offenders brand themselves as “arts and culture” magazines, often publishing intelligent, creative articles when not drooling over the teenage children of the rich and famous. Magazines take these teenagers and place them on a weird kind of sparkly pedestal.

Lily-Rose Depp, Johnny Depp’s daughter, was labelled an “it girl” who had caused a “media meltdown” at the age of fifteen, followed by an article listing reasons we should care (she is “inspirational”, and “experiments with style”, apparently).

I can’t comment on whether she is inspirational or not, and I have no ill will towards her, but the fact is I do not follow these magazines to be made to feel like a decrepit has-been. According to them, I am eight years too late to be considered cool.

These kids are written about like they are participating in Crufts. One publication called Iris Law the “perfect blend” of her two famous parents; another labelled Lily Rose Depp “the exquisite offspring of Johnny Depp and Vanessa Paradis”. These uncomfortable statements appear to be suggesting that their parents bred them to be a higher pedigree of human.

On top of the weird comments on their family lineage and resemblance, there is more than an inkling of Lolita-esque fascination with these young women. With one publication commenting on Iris Law’s “pale skin, pillowy lips, and piercing bluish-green eyes” and her “slight frame” and Lily Rose Depp’s, “beauty passeth all understanding and she has this irresistible air”. There is definitely a line when describing girls who are younger than eighteen, and I’m pretty sure they have passed it.

We even see this phenomenon happening with toddlers; Beyoncé and Jay Z’s daughter, Blue Ivy, and North West, Kanye and Kim’s first child are regularly written about in the media. Both of these girls are under the age of six.

My friend, in response to an article that was headlined, Blue Ivy May Only Be 5, but You Can Already Count On Her to Steal the Show, quipped, “I’m so glad a five year old is making me question my femininity”. This is where the problem lies.

I have no issue with young people (regardless of how famous their family tree may be) trying to make a name for themselves in fashion or beauty. However, reading about yet another teenage celebrity’s child being labelled this months new “it girl” is where I draw the line. In my early twenties I am not looking for the magazines I read to be making me feel like a veritable pensioner.

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