292 Views
2 Comments

Single but without the perks? Long distance relationships at University

Like opting for Vanilla and missing out on the sweet taste of Raspberry Ripple, long distance relationships can often come with feelings of regret and what if’s.

What if I was single at university? What if I have made the wrong decision? What if I have made the right one by sticking with my safe, trustworthy vanilla? The truth is, I ask myself these questions nearly every day and I don’t have the answer, and maybe we are not supposed to know the answer. Perhaps one day, we hard-core long distance relationshippers will wake up and know for sure that we are doing the right or wrong thing.

I have found, and I am sure I am not alone, that saying you are in a long distance relationship attracts two common responses. Firstly, you have the cliché ‘distance makes the heart grow fonder’ reaction which often provokes the dreaded marriage card; “If you can make it through university, you will definitely get married”. The tones of their voices seem to be impressed, almost surprised that we’ve made it, so what the hell, let’s give ourselves a pat on the back. When I hear this, the little doubtful devil who often sits on my shoulder, disappears into thin air. I feel proud that I have almost made it through University in a long distance relationship. It has not been an easy ride I know, but we have resisted temptation and fought hard to make things work. However, I do also want to say to these Tom, Dick and Harry’s…hold your horses. I don’t want to think about marriage for at least another five years, I don’t even know if I want to get married! Why does making it through a long distance relationship mean that marriage is suddenly on the cards?

Personally, I have found it so important to focus on the present when in a long distance relationship. Thinking about the future simply complicates things and stirs up feelings of anxiety deep within me. Ghandi said “The future depends on what you do today” so I try to live by this, the future is a product of the present. Despite this, we cannot all be ignorant to the future. Discussing life plans with your partner is part of the beauty of being in a relationship. However, you and your lover, distant or not, should try your best to live in the present as much as you can. Be happy spending time together, without worrying about the next time you see each other or about what the future has to bring. Unfortunately, I am sometimes faced with this second response, in all its pessimistic glory: “It won’t last”. I mean, thanks for your kind words of encouragement. But despite my pro long distance relationships campaign, I fully acknowledge that they are hard work. They require you to really try, more so than in relationships where you both share a post code. I shall not tell a lie, I ask myself too often whether my long distance relationship will last. I quiz myself, demanding evidence and answers as to why I’m doomed or why I’m not! We must all accept that a long distance relationship is not easy, and we will second guess ourselves. This doesn’t mean we are bad people. However, a testing relationship is not a reason to give up hope and listen to the ‘It won’t last’ers.

It is no myth that many students have tried and failed to make their long distance relationships work, so I wanted to look into the reasons behind this. Mima Edye-Lindner, English student at The University of Sussex, said about her experience: “For me, the downhill spiral stemmed from an absence of effort from my ex. If you are not going to be 100% committed, save yourselves the heartbreak by admitting that you are not ready”. Mima and her ex-boyfriend were in a long distance relationship for one year out of their two year relationship. Her ex boyfriend moved to China for his placement year and it was this move abroad which ultimately ended their relationship.

Living in different countries definitely comes with added pressure and complications such as time difference and travel expenses: two aspects of being in a long distance relationship I have resented. When in a long distance relationship, you will find yourselves arguing over the stupidest of things because you are frustrated and you miss each other. The Skypes and Facetimes are not always exciting, they often involve, tear stained faces, snotty noses and in my case, a double chin from replacing my boyfriend with chocolate digestives,

However, as a final year undergraduate student, I can say that I cope better than I would have at the start. I have outgrown the world of excessive drinking and the desperation to be liked. I honestly don’t care if you don’t like me for I have found my true friends and I am in love with a beautiful bearded Parisian man. Perhaps my age has influenced my positive outlook on long distance relationships because I am not embarking on University for the first time. I no longer feel the need to spread my wings and fly, be the overly-social butterfly I used to be and find myself. I used to feel like I didn’t want to be tied down to one person. I now like being tied to that one person. Although I am not ‘free’ to misbehave with other men, there is something truly liberating about feeling so secure in a relationship, that you don’t have a care in the world about them behaving badly because you trust them totally. How can you trust someone you wake up next to, after meeting them in the smoking area at Coalition the night before?

I don’t doubt that you one night standers may be smiling to yourself, thinking that long distance relationships are like ‘being single but without the perks’ and yes, sometimes it can be difficult. However, when it is with the right person, it makes everything worth it. It has taught me so much about myself, things that perhaps I would never have learnt had I not been in a long distance relationship.

Get the best viral stories straight into your inbox!

Don't worry, we don't spam

2 Comments

  1. This might apply to any relationship – but I will say that ending it in my final term before dissertation was a bad idea. It wasn’t a good time to find the customary rebound or two, I no longer had the support of someone who was (sometimes) in my corner, and even though I was the dumper, there was way too much sadness for a time when I had to be hard at work. Would it have been shitty to prolong a relationship that was floundering just to have an easier time of uni? I don’t know – but it wasn’t distance that did it, it was our mental frailties, which probably would have just sped things up if we had been together all the time. I’m pretty proud of how well we did for a couple of years, and you would think the vast space between us would mean it would be easy to forget eachother, but nah, still a very important friend.

    Reply
    • Thank you so much for your comment. I’m glad to hear that despite not being able to make things work romantically, you and your ex are still friends. This is quite rare and I find it sad, so good for you! The thought of someone who was once my everything no longer being present in my life is something I hope I never have to experience. Relationships are a funny old thing aren’t they?

      Reply

Leave a Reply

Join the Badger Team

Apply today!

Latest Posts

Union obliterates the debate – unwritten requirement used to shut down free speech debate
Campus News
537 views1
Campus News
537 views1

Union obliterates the debate – unwritten requirement used to shut down free speech debate

Jordan Wright - April 27, 2018

Student society Liberate the Debate’s most recent event was cancelled over a lack of compliance with the Students' Union's (USSU) requirement for a neutral chair - a…

Verve Couture – Musicality, kitsch & ignition: the beginning of a series
Arts
76 views
Arts
76 views

Verve Couture – Musicality, kitsch & ignition: the beginning of a series

Ricardo Reverón Blanco - June 17, 2018

Pictured: Zac Black At Proud Cabaret audiences were spellbound as if at night at the circus, yet this was not like Angela Carter’s magical realist novel; Verve…

Fleabag on stage at The Old Market – review
Arts
110 views
Arts
110 views

Fleabag on stage at The Old Market – review

Florence Dutton - June 11, 2018

[caption id="attachment_35513" align="alignnone" width="2400"] Fleabag at Soho Theatre[/caption] Last Monday at 8pm at Brighton’s The Old Market, I sat myself down in my theatre seat eagerly awaiting…

Fleabag preview
Arts
108 views
Arts
108 views

Fleabag preview

Florence Dutton - June 2, 2018

[caption id="attachment_35513" align="alignnone" width="2400"] Fleabag at Soho Theatre[/caption] Following the mass success of the Bafta award-winning BBC Series, DryWrite and Soho Theatre are about to hit the…

Brighton Festival: Ezra Furman at the Dome
Arts
133 views
Arts
133 views

Brighton Festival: Ezra Furman at the Dome

Georgia Grace - June 1, 2018

Having completed my final semester of university with modules on punk history and queer arts, it was fitting that I rounded off my end-of-assessment celebrations by attending…

Arts
149 views

The Tempest review

Georgia Grace - May 30, 2018

As the sun begins to set over Hove Green, tinnies of Red Stripe are cracked open, tartan blankets are strewn, and families tuck into their picnic hampers.…

A Glass Half Empty review
Arts
159 views
Arts
159 views

A Glass Half Empty review

Georgia Grace - May 27, 2018

For those of us coming to the end of another year of university study, the prospect of careers, marriages and babies may seem a long way off.…

DollyWould at The Old Market review
Arts
151 views
Arts
151 views

DollyWould at The Old Market review

Alex Hutson - May 27, 2018

Sh!t Theatre’s DollyWould is a hilarious, thoughtful and experimental performance piece. The award winning show has the Sh!t Theatre duo integrating comedy, storytelling, personal experience and music.…

UCU Launch Petition to End the ‘Hostile Environment’ at Sussex
Campus News
245 views
Campus News
245 views

UCU Launch Petition to End the ‘Hostile Environment’ at Sussex

Billie-Jean Johnson - May 26, 2018

The Sussex branch of the University and College Union (UCU) has launched a petition calling for Vice-Chancellor Adam Tickell to end the 'hostile environment' at Sussex. The…

Arts
117 views

Shakespeare in the sun – The Tempest preview

Georgia Grace - May 24, 2018

In a world of dystopian King Lears and female Hamlets, Shakespeare’s classics are constantly being reimagined for the modern day. There’s something oddly refreshing then about the…

Review: Nick Cave Double Bill at The Old Market (TOM’s Film Club)
Arts
231 views
Arts
231 views

Review: Nick Cave Double Bill at The Old Market (TOM’s Film Club)

Sophie Coppenhall - May 23, 2018

What a phenomenal contrast these two films present when watched side-by-side. In essence, together they are capable of tracing inner and outer metamorphoses of their subjects. The…

Dollywould at The Old Market preview
Arts
149 views
Arts
149 views

Dollywould at The Old Market preview

Alex Hutson - May 22, 2018

From the 22nd May - 25th May 2018 DollyWould will be showing at The Old Market. An exciting new show, presented by Sh!t Theatre, who won the…

Exhibition: Io-sono Fedilouu
Artist Focus
222 views
Artist Focus
222 views

Exhibition: Io-sono Fedilouu

Ricardo Reverón Blanco - May 16, 2018

Last week artist Fedilou made her debut exhibition in the downstairs space of Morelli Zorelli, a quaint vegan Italian restaurant in Hove, featuring a collection of intimate…

Interview with Philosophy faculty and COGS director Ron Chrisley
Interview
158 views
Interview
158 views

Interview with Philosophy faculty and COGS director Ron Chrisley

Nikolaos Manesis - May 15, 2018

Ron Chrisley is a Reader in Philosophy, on the faculty of the Sackler Centre for Consciousness Science, and is the director of COGS (Centre for Cognitive Science).…

Adam review
Arts
223 views
Arts
223 views

Adam review

Ketan Jha - May 13, 2018

If you have been a stranger to the stage this spring and decide to see one contemporary show, let it be Adam. This reviewer went in entirely…

Brighton Fringe Preview: Nick Cave Double Bill at The Old Market (TOM’s Film Club)
Arts
251 views
Arts
251 views

Brighton Fringe Preview: Nick Cave Double Bill at The Old Market (TOM’s Film Club)

Sophie Coppenhall - May 13, 2018

In celebration of iconic Brighton local, legendary alt-rock musician (and episodic actor) Nick Cave, TOM’s Film Club are hosting a double-bill screening of his films at The…

Whimsical fairy-tale meets class war – Standard: Elite review
Arts
288 views
Arts
288 views

Whimsical fairy-tale meets class war – Standard: Elite review

Georgia Grace - May 11, 2018

Meta-theatricality and interactivity are becoming all the more vogue in contemporary theatre, and in a world where the arts are becoming increasingly open and democratised, I find…

A Year of Art Society: The Best Picks
Artist Focus
201 views
Artist Focus
201 views

A Year of Art Society: The Best Picks

Alex Leissle - May 9, 2018

  [gallery type="slideshow" ids="35385,35386,35387,35388,35389,35390,35391,35392,35393,35394,35395,35396,35397,35398,35399,35400,35401,35402,35403,35404,35405,35406,35407,35408,35409,35410,35411"]

More Brit(ish) than ever: A review of Afua Hirsch at Brighton Festival
Books
214 views
Books
214 views

More Brit(ish) than ever: A review of Afua Hirsch at Brighton Festival

William Singh - May 9, 2018

Afua Hirsch’s 2018 book - part memoir, part polemic - provokes mixed feelings. So too did her discussion of the topic at this year’s Brighton Festival. Don’t…

Ethnic-bioweapons: between conspiracy and reality
Science
267 views
Science
267 views

Ethnic-bioweapons: between conspiracy and reality

Luke Richards - May 8, 2018

Bioweapons exist, while ethnic-bioweapons are whispered conspiracies. Pandemics can fairly hazardous to human life, the 1918 Flu Pandemic killed 20-50 million people. A man made pandemic could…

Breaking: Spring referenda results announced
News
273 views
News
273 views

Breaking: Spring referenda results announced

Jessica Hubbard - May 4, 2018

Students have voted to support the BDS (Boycott, Divestment and Sanctions) movement, reject Prevent and adopt new Gender Equality policies. Results for the Students' Union referenda were…